One-Sentence Highlights From Brent's Life - 2/5 - 5/5/13

2/5/13

High highs, then some other complications, unexpected bumps, questions, wishing, dwelling.

　

2/6/13

Met my new "Integration Group."

　

2/7/13

I was feeling kind of heavy and beat-down, not in the mood to talk, and I mentioned like, "I think I need some burning sage to help cleanse my energy," and David Ames actually went and got some sage and burned it while giving me a blessing which really helped me open up and it was the nicest, most special thing anyone has done for me in a long time and I'm so thankful and appreciative.

　

2/8/13

Before noon I was so productive and "in the zone" at work, and then after that was so "zoned out.

　

2/9/13

Some major victories in the household situation.

　

2/10/13

Sometimes I feel so dramatic, like every single day with me is both "I'm the king of everything and I fucking love it," to "I hate everything and I want to die already," but I usually average it all out and just say I'm doing "fine" or "okay."

　

2/11/13

VITA went well, except I felt like Victoria was trying to make things unnecessarily complicated for me, but I know that's her job.

　

2/12/13

I got a free large pizza at Pie Hole for being one of their financiers, and the staff didn't think I was going to eat an entire 17-inch pizza all by myself in one sitting. lol

　

2/13/13

A lot of deep conversations with Glen, Bruce, my I-Group.

　

2/14/13

When I was still in bed in the morning, I got a text and it was from the last random guy I had a date with saying "Happy Valentintine's Day!" and it was really touching to me even though 1.) it's misspelled, and 2.) I still don't believe anything he says.

　

2/15/13

Tiffany Walls baby shower.

　

2/16/13

The Illinois governor showed up in the morning at VITA.

　

2/17/13

After midnight I decided to stop into Sofo instead of going to Mans Country and there I met Robert M. and his boyfriend Darren whom I took back to my place for an amazing 3-way.

　

2/18/13

Spent most of the day thinking I'd lost my talisman.

　

2/19/13

Casey came over to my place, then I went over to his place, then I came back home in the middle of the night and was too sleepy to go to work so I called in sick for the morning.

　

2/20/13

I ate a few sloppy joes and tots before leaving to go to what Sheri called my "men's meeting."

　

2/21/13

One of those strange Facebook things happened when I was Facebook chatting with someone (Joshua about possibly moving in together) who asked me how I knew someone else whom he knew (David A.) and right then the someone else Facebook-invited me to a Free Bradley Manning rally on Saturday and I just happened to be wearing my "Free Bradley Manning" t-shirt and we talked about it while riding the bus together that night.

　

2/22/13

Long story shorter, I just so happened to meet C-Baby (whose usual name, as it turns out, is Carlos) and he asked me out for a drink with some of his friends and I managed not to scream and jump up and down or anything.

　

2/23/13

I told everyone at Elizabeth Stone's 30th birthday party that I was leaving to go see Sharon Needles at Spin, but instead of doing that I stopped in for a drink at Downtown despite the 20 police cars and crowds of people who were rioting apparently.

　

2/24/13

I felt very happy and proud of myself that I was able to rent a van, move everything out of my storage unit into the van, then out of the van and into my apartment, and return the van in 3 hours.

　

2/25/13

Decided to go see Fourplay again and on the way home I ran into Val again who is pretty much the greatest person ever and I felt so fortunate to be surrounded by so many great people.

　

2/26/13

Since Gloria isn't at work this week (she usually takes a week of vacation during her birthday) the office manager and everyone comes to me which great overall but I got a little pain in my neck so I decided to get a massage instead of doing laundry.

　

2/27/13

One month after my New Warrior Training Adventure weekend, I feel so much different and my Integration Group has been very important to me.

　

2/28/13

This was the day when they had the mats laid out at the yoga anatomy class and David A. couldn't wait the 7 minutes that bus-tracker said the Western bus would be there so we took a taxi and I told him not to "get rooffied and passed around anymore".

　

3/1/13

Chip Reid from Muskogee told me that I was in a pick-up bar and therefore did not want to hear "I'll call you next Tuesday" as an answer, but hey, we all have things about ourselves that we need to work on.

　

3/2/13

My breakdown happened.

　

3/3/13

Virginia help me put my breakdown into perspective, and then I met up with Joshua and we spent time with the Temple Terraincognita.

　

3/4/13

I had a lot of things to get done on a Monday morning before work, then after work I did VITA which went well except for the last client who was a mentally-disabled 60 year-old woman whose tax return I could have pushed through easily except for the reviewers who were unwilling to just accept the obvious fact of her mental disability and insisted on putting her through interrogations that she was clearly not capable of handling, and Ellen was talking shit about the client right to her face and I'm quite sure Victoria probably has some mental issues of her own.

　

3/5/13

Saying goodbye FOREVER to Colin was good, but when he said, "Don't leave yet, can't we get naked first?" and then ended up giving me a lazy handjob while watching Millionaire Matchmaker was THE WORST and made me want to die.

　

3/6/13

I talked about my breakdown with my I-Group while never actually telling any of the specifics.

　

3/7/13

Didn't get much sleep, felt kind of beat-down, didn't do my homework for anatomy class, and didn't get to ride the bus with David A. after class.

　

3/8/13

I'd been excited about my first shamanic dream circle, but after still not getting much sleep I was probably the only one there who was actually literally asleep and dreaming.

　

3/9/13

Derek and I were planning to get together at 2:00, so at 2:20 I called him to find out where he was and he was still at home so we ended up not getting together.

　

3/10/13

Another really amazing week at Queer Dharma, except in my opinion Jon really needs to get laid.

　

3/11/13

My favorite television show Rupauls Drag Race airs Monday nights then usually I go into work early on Tuesdays to watch it over the internet, but I hadn't thought about the fact that taking Tuesday off from work would mean not watching it until Wednesday so I decided to re-schedule my regular Monday night VITA and go watch Rupauls Drag Race at a bar instead and I ended up leaving the place with Casey again.

　

3/12/13

Got my first rolfing, and I truly believe that my rolfer, Donald Soule, is a genius.

　

3/13/13

Someone was sharing a painful life experience and I broke out laughing which was really awful of me, but it was kind of like trying not to laugh in church.

　

3/14/13

At the final Thursday session of my anatomy for yoga teachers class I led everyone in a pranayama that incorporates dorsiflexion which I designed (well actually the teacher of the class, Shanna, mostly designed it).

　

3/15/13

The plan was to attend the makeup session of my anatomy class (even though I was one of fifteen students with perfect attendance) and then meet up at Downtown with a guy who might be semi-famous who is telling me that his name is Steve, but he canceled so I ended up going to Liars Club after class and meeting Sheri & Jeff there (and Michael and another Steve - hanging out with gays at Liars Club!)

　

3/16/13

Woke up in the morning when Otto jumped up on me, and I did not go to any museums or parades or festivities or anything, but I felt like my life was great.

　

3/17/13

I went to Second Unitarian Church in the morning and the Shambhala Center in the evening, and I'm not sure if I want to get more involved with either of them or withdraw membership from both of them.

　

3/18/13

I had a feeling that I really wanted to go to Chances Dances so after VITA that's what I did.

　

3/19/13

Called in sick to work for a half-day so I could stay in bed with a guy named Gabe whom I met at Chances Dances the night before.

　

3/20/13

Was having a bad time and went to I-Group annoyed but felt better after saying "fuck you" to everyone.

　

3/21/13

My first night at the P.I.T. (primary integration training) group and someone said something that gave me what they call a "charge," and I felt like I jumped out of my chair and was gasping and clutching pearls, shaking with anger at him, especially in the knees like an electrical current, like a maniacal serial killer or something, and after the group confronted it and processed my charge I felt like I'd survived a lightning strike.

　

3/22/13

Didn't sleep much, went to training seminar about emotional intelligence, dinner at Gyu-Kaku, supper at California Pizza Kitchen, another long talk with Chris ("bread crumbs"!?), and in the evening I went to The Flesh Hungry Dog Show at Jackhammer where there was a convention of The Sisters Of Perpetual Indulgence.

　

3/23/13

Sister Dominatrix spanked me with a belt and she was really good at it and it was really amazing and I didn't realize until later how bruised my butt really was, so then when I went to Touche again that night to see the musicians I was proudly showing my bruised butt to anyone I could.

　

3/24/13

Spent a lot of time lying on the couch watching the college basketball tournament in the comfort of my own home and it felt good, and I wasn't planning to go to Queer Dharma but Jon contacted me so I decided to go and it turned out really good.

　

3/25/13

Dan the guy I live with came to VITA because I was unable to keep my mouth shut when he would blather on non-sense about taxes.

　

3/26/13

My plan was to go to work 9 to 5 then go do VITA again after that, but I ended up leaving work early to meet Joshua and look at an apartment which we decided we wanted to apply for then went bowling with Sheri and everyone because Tommy was in town.

　

3/27/13

At I-Group I talked about my issue of wanting to be stable versus wanting to be fun.

　

3/28/13

I refer to the "primary integration training" (P.I.T.), also called "facilitated integration group" (or F.I.G.), as the "fistpig" I-Group because it sounds like PIT / FIG, and this was the first session without facilitators which to me seemed really awkward and clunky but everyone else seemed fine with it.

　

3/29/13

Sexoflex recently came out with a new album and last weekend I was listening to "Piggy Piggy" and then I heard the song "Suck Dick, Eat Cheetos" and wondered what my life is coming to but then, magically, Gloria brought me a 3.5-ounce bag of Cheetos, so I re-committed to working hard and eating healthy and generally being a good boy.

　

3/30/13

Did a drag queen's taxes, got my haircut by Jimmy Ngo for the first time, went to Sheri's place and ate a lot of tacos, watching college basketball, showing people the bruises on my ass.

　

3/31/13

Decided to stay home all day watching television.

　

4/1/13

Took the party bus trip to Olive Garden / Red Lobster and met Richard, and it felt really decadent.

　

4/2/13

The only time I left my apartment all day was to shove Richard out the door at 8:40 and go to and back from my rolfing appointment, other than that I just stayed home napping and watching television.

　

4/3/13

I love chocolate-chip cookie-cake and I was in the same room with a delicious chocolate-chip cookie-cake and fixated on it, tormented by it, incapable of paying attention to anything else, until someone pissed me off and I told him, "For future reference, fuck you," but even though that was annoying I was really happy to be able to stop thinking about the cookie.

　

4/4/13

At the fistpig I-Group we did the trust exercise, then as I was leaving there I got a voicemail from Joshua that the apartment we signed the lease on and for which I mailed a check for first month's rent + security deposit was probably going to fall through after all.

　

4/5/13

After e-mailing and calling the company about my rent + security check and not getting a response, I put a stop-payment on the check, the first-ever stop-payment I've ever put on a check in my entire life, which put me in a bad mood.

　

4/6/13

There were so many things happening, but I stayed home watching college basketball, My Cat From Hell, and a dust bowl documentary (featuring Virginia Frantz) on PBS, and someone dressed as a Mexican wrestler knocked on the door.

　

4/7/13

It was the first time I'd meditated in a couple weeks which was good.

　

4/8/13

Had a good time going to The Call to watch Rupauls Drag Race then going home to watch the men college basketball championship.

　

4/9/13

I'm really good at my job for short periods of time functioning at a high level, but after a while I can't keep it up and I feel really beat-down.

　

4/10/13

I'd planned on going to the Cubs game to watch Richard sing the national anthem but it got called off, so I went to my Wednesday night I-group and ended up doing some pretty heavy work on myself.

　

4/11/13

I felt so extremely happy being with Sheri at Grandma Js then going to the Cubs game and hanging out with Richard for a couple hours after he sang the national anthem.

　

4/12/13

I don't like Fridays because I feel so worn-down from the week, but I do like Mondays because my mental state is so much more refreshed (which is probably because I get sex on the weekends and not during the week), so I was being snappish and Gloria gave me a 10 dollar bill and told me to go buy some drinks this weekend.

　

4/13/13

Good sex at Manscountry, felt sad about my last day of VITA, had a good time with Jon and Khai at Hamburger Marys for supper but afterward we went to a nightclub and Jon is awful at nightclubs.

　

4/14/13

Felt deep sadness.

　

4/15/13

I was in so much pain I didn't know what to do and it was a really dark place, so Sheri suggested a massage which I did and it started to reverse the pain trajectory then after the massage I went to Township to see The Eagles Of Lombard and Bobby Joe Ebola & The Children Macnuggits which was another big up for me.

　

4/16/13

Since I'd gotten so little sleep and was in so much pain the day before I'd expected to go into work feeling bad, but I actually felt better than I had in a long time.

　

4/17/13

There was rain.

　

4/18/13

There was some more rain, Sheri and I hung out after work, also I really came to respect Irwin.

　

4/19/13

I did something stupid and ended up lost in an enormous cemetery, but then at noon Philip picked me up in his car and we went to the New Warrior Training Adventure and I got to escort some men through the registration process and I slept behind the pulpit.

　

4/20/13

Working as a "man of service" at the N.W.T.A. was okay, I was thinking a lot about the time I spent with Bradley four years ago, and did some dancing in the sweat lodge and the drum circle was amazing.

　

4/21/13

The sun was coming up and we had cakes on the griddle, but left the N.W.T.A. and went to Queer Dharma in the evening which was good and Bill drove me home.

　

4/22/13

Victor the landlord called me and we set up an appointment to meet Thursday morning so I'm going to hold my breath that it will all go according to plan.

　

4/23/13

People have said things like "king energy" and "living in his king" and I felt like I was living in my king for at least half of the day which was good.

　

4/24/13

The homecoming / celebration / ceremony of the N.W.T.A. was really good, then afterward my regularly scheduled I-group went out for Mexican food and margaritas.

　

4/25/13

A huge day in my life, full speed: picked up keys to my new apartment, rode the Clark bus with Adam (the Princess) to bikram, rolfing appointment that I could barely stay awake for, during all my train trips I worked hard on memorizing the calling in the directions, Dining Out For Life at Wishbone on Washington, saw the Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche bless the new Shambhala Center, went to my PIT / FIG group meeting early for the leader meeting, did a great job at calling in the directions from memory, admitted that I'd drunk alcohol and smoked marijuana prior to the previous meeting without disclosing it to the group, Mike drove me to the red-line, got home shortly after 11.

　

4/26/13

I went to see the Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche talk at Roosevelt Chapel and there was a musical performance by a brass quintet and I felt happy to be alive and experiencing everything.

　

4/27/13

Moving saga 2013 (part 1): Dan brought a homeless stranger into the apartment, Rahm running along the lake, teenage girls lined up 12 hours early for Carly Rae Jepsen, laundry, it was a beautiful spring day and the new apartment was beautiful (like breath-takingly beautiful) and empty and I sat on the floor eating quesadillas and talking to my brother Bruce, then I didn't think it was going to be possible for me to do everything but somehow I found the strength to get up and do it, and the move wasn't completed yet but it was my first night sleeping in the new apartment.

　

4/28/13

Moving saga 2013 (part 2): I returned the U-Haul and the move was finished by 11:00a and I slept for awhile then went to practice with my new flag football team Ann Sather Sticky Bunz for the first time which was fun but physically I felt like I was pushing myself really far.

　

4/29/13

After work I stopped by my apartment at 5012 Clark for the last time then turned in the keys and walked to Joshua's place where I gave him his set of keys to our new place.

　

4/30/13

It was annoying getting ahold of Jim, but we ended up having a good conversation so I was glad that I did.

　

5/1/13

Woke up feeling that ecstatic sexual creative Beltane energy.

　

5/2/13

Baked brownies in the morning and the PIT / FIG group ate half the dish as we discussed shame.

　

5/3/13

Virginia and I went to Bar On Buena after work.

　

5/4/13

Opening day double-header of flag-football was fun, and the team went to Crew afterward.

　

5/5/13

After weeks of being really happy, I felt sadness but I was happy that the sadness wasn't over-powering.